At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
