Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
