whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
