I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
