You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
