forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
