Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
