Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
