You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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