This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my being single is dangerous.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
