you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
