Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
