He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
