every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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