i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
