we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
