I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
