the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
