He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
