I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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