i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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