Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
