hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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