party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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