I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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