Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
