so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
