is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
