Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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