rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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