and she was petting her beer can
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
