no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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