I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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