sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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