Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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