I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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