You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
