can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
