i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize