dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
