Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize