White coat. Heels.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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