Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
