please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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