I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
