He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
