Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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