She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
