Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
