Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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