Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
