the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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