And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize