why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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