I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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