I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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