Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There r osticjed everywhere
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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