i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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