I want to have your abortion
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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