shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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