hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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