That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
