Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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