Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
