he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
