i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
