I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize