its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
