it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
