just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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