If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
