I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
