and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
