She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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