Sry I called you an 8
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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