Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
