2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
