Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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