so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
