I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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