You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
