he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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