lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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