Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
