Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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